Hope

Earlier this week, Graham and I were doing our normal morning thing which is apparently to flat out torture our children by asking them to get dressed every day. Our middle child was less than pleased with this request and stomped off toward her room, muttering the words "I hate this day!" under her breath.

Wide-eyed with alarm, we looked at each other, puzzled. This was a rather strong statement to come from a 4 year old little human. But honestly, I couldn't exactly disagree with her sentiment. Though I assure you I don't go around physically proclaiming hatred toward the days (seriously, where did she get that!?), there are a lot of times lately when I wake up and have to dig deep to find a glint of motivation to get down and grab the bull by the horns and take on my life. The monotony of mothering is dizzying. It's like in the movie Groundhog Day - days on repeat, with little variation from one to the next. I feel tapped out and exhausted. Fellow mothers, we've all been there.

My preschooler is on spring break this week and my son has decided this seems like an opportune time to give up naps. Except that it's not. He's a crying basket case from 2 PM onward and, usually folks, so am I. Twice already this week I have lost my shizzle and loaded him and his sis up in the car and gone for a drive because I could not. take. any. more. crying. I looped neighborhoods repeatedly, aimlessly driving until he finally, finally gave in to sleep. I'm pretty sure this is my new afternoon pastime so if you spy and white minivan looping your cul-de-sac, give me a wave.

Life right now is heavy and sometimes I fear I am crumbling beneath the weight of it all. Someday I'm sure I will share more of our story here on this space because I'm a teller like that but for now I'll just suffice it to say that things are hard and not just on the parenting front. One my pastors said something beautiful in him sermon on Acts on Sunday. He was sharing about how God is at work in the world, with the desire to offer forgiveness, to heal and repair and to right all wrong.

He said "God is setting things right and he may be beginning in my life."

This simple sentence paints such a beautiful picture - of a God who is a work within me, weeding out the guilt and shame and sin and lies that He never intended to be there and replacing them with truth. This provides great comfort in the midst of pain. He is removing what needs to go and making things right. The process may be excruciating but in it there is hope.